"I want to be a captain in the ESU— it’s New York’s equivalent of a Swat Team. You know how a lot of kids grow up watching cartoons, and dreaming of being super heroes so that they can save people? Well, I never grew out of that."
"So what’s your super power?"
"I’m good at making contingency plans. Like when Batman made a contingency plan in case any member of the Justice League went rogue."
"So what’s been your greatest contingency plan so far?"
"I didn’t get into the school of my choice, so I’m in community college now."
matching icons for u and ur friends who really know how to act natural
Let’s crank this up, get this party started! *cranks up metronome 3 clicks*
So, this half black/white kid got a tattoo of the Oreo barcode on his wrist
Why does it matter matter that this guy is mixed race!? You could of just written, “This kid”. Like his fucking skin colour matters! Cunt.
His bi-racial ethnicity is probably the point of the Oreo tattoo joke, cunt.
imagine this kid working as a cashier, and this one customer is pissing them off, so they just casually swipe their tattoo under the scanner, after every item, and later the customer is just like, I DONT REMEMBER BUYING FIFTY CASES OF OREOS. (via)
whenever someone asks me what tumblr is, i will show them this post
am i the only one laughing that he did not only get a tattoo of the oreo barcode, he got a tattoo of the double stuff oreo barcode?
what is this
when did we replace the word “said” with “was like”
When it occured to us that “said” implies a direct quote, while “was like” clarifies that you mean to communicate the person’s tone and general point without quoting them word for word.
i want to open a book store that is 24 hours and people can finally go out at like 2am and be like “i just finished the first book in the series i need the next one stat” or if people are just having a stressful night and want to be surrounded by books
My favorite part about this post is that someone understands that it’s calming to be surrounded by books
a book nightclub.
Someone make this happen pls.
who the FUCK told society that depression and awkwardness is cute and adorable
I have been laughing for like 10 minutes
This looks like something a drunk archaeologist would do.
Your ex-husband, the rapper Nas, put your wedding dress on his album cover. Why did he still have the dress?
It’s not even the dress. The joke behind that is that it’s the slip to the petticoat to my dress. I think when I moved out I just left it. That’s all he had, poor thing.
Did you know that was coming?
He gave me a heads-up like two days before it was released.
Do you know why?
All kinds of ideas of why, but I don’t really care.
But it brought up a bunch of stuff you were probably hoping was in the past.
Maybe for others, but not for me. I don’t really listen to his music anyway.
she cold as hell
kelis is everything
"that’s all he had, poor thing."
Hopes and Aspirations
The amount of fucks not found is Godly.
Gaht damn. I hope to one day be on her level of don’t give a fuck.